ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

(Source: bellecs, via thewolfyears)

generic-art:

batman by charles burns

generic-art:

batman by charles burns

(via rrrick)

thebluelip-blondie:

ghdos:

muchadoeaboutnothing:

coolvintagesoul:

I hope this sinks in your hearts.

I’m so fucking tired of this shit

I just want it to stop.

this needs to end

(via reindeergamesbitch)

siiedadaydreams:

wastelord:

my-stereo-heart-beats-for-you:

THIS IS THE BEST RESPONSE TO ONE OF THESE ICEBERG THINGIES

I laughed. I shouldn’t have. But I did.

Yo real talk. Laughed my ass off just now XD

siiedadaydreams:

wastelord:

my-stereo-heart-beats-for-you:

THIS IS THE BEST RESPONSE TO ONE OF THESE ICEBERG THINGIES

I laughed. I shouldn’t have. But I did.

Yo real talk. Laughed my ass off just now XD

(Source: fuckyeahviralpics, via princesspoonani)

(Source: arrowdrawn, via americachavez)

cerulean-warbler:

johnskylar:

lisa-maxwell:

kyrafic:

"Never did like that much," is a baller and superb way to express your irritation with the way the patriarchy refuses to acknowledge how badass you are.

Word.

Before World War I, she shot a cigarette out of the mouth of the Kaiser of Germany at his request.
After the war started she sent him a letter asking for another chance, as she was afraid her aim might’ve been a little off.

Annie Fucking Oakley everyone

cerulean-warbler:

johnskylar:

lisa-maxwell:

kyrafic:

"Never did like that much," is a baller and superb way to express your irritation with the way the patriarchy refuses to acknowledge how badass you are.

Word.

Before World War I, she shot a cigarette out of the mouth of the Kaiser of Germany at his request.

After the war started she sent him a letter asking for another chance, as she was afraid her aim might’ve been a little off.

Annie Fucking Oakley everyone

(Source: queenundomiel, via teantacles)

Repeat after me:

lipsredasroses:

Princess & the Frog was a success.

The movie grossed $267,045,765 worldwide. That WAS a success. Disney made everything back they put into this movie and came out with a profit. The film won 7 awards. Did it make as much money as Tangled or Frozen? No but both films had better and more marketing behind them. Both films had more merchandise associated with them. This movie is in no way a flop like the Black Cauldron or Home on the Range (its a real movie, google it). That being said, the Disney fandom treats this movie like a flop because Disney doesn’t market it anymore the way they do Tangled or Frozen. When Tiana does get new merchandise, it does sell. The Tiana shirt from hottopic sold out faster than any of their Frozen merch. Tiana is a very popular princess but you’d never know based on how little merch Disney gives her. Princess & the Frog was a popular film and still is.

(via actualmenacebuckybarnes)

Disney’s Sleeping Beauty (1959) character modelling and concept art 

(Source: conceptsandcoffee, via therealbuckinghamalice)

hestmord:

astrophobe:

aresnakesreal:

i hate monopoly it is like some old white guy was sitting around and then thought to himself, what if we could make capitalism fun? well you tried and you failed dipshit

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_board_game_Monopoly it was actually created by a Georgist to illustrate the principle that rent makes landlords richer and tenants poorer. She designed it to be incredibly not fun, to show that if you don’t own property you experience an inevitable foreseeable slow dwindling of your resources until you eventually go bankrupt. She figured that through Monopoly people would be so bored and frustrated that they would understand how terrible the system of rent is

Then Parker Brothers patented it, mass-produced it, people bought it because people have terrible taste in games, and the original creator experienced an inevitable foreseeable slow dwindling of her resources until she died impoverished and obscure

society is a horrific parody of itself

(via punkrogers)

130186:

Celene Bridge Fall 2011 

130186:

Celene Bridge Fall 2011 

(via littledemoncalledme)

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